I think this is a pretty reductive, hasty mischaracterization of heated rivalry, which you’ve made after watching one episode. The show indeed jumps right into sex, which allows the emotional plot line to build over the season without that being the big climax (pun intended) the way it is in most media. Also, to say the show is almost exclusively popular with women is patently untrue and excludes the hordes of LGBT, non-female fans who’ve been able to enjoy a non-tragic, well-acted queer love story on screen - a rare thing indeed. How can you say there’s “nothing beneficial” about it? Of course you’re entitled to argue that there’s nothing actually erotic about it, but I think you’d be claiming that against the adamant, vast majority of those who’ve watched.
I'm perfectly fine with the possibility of watching more of the show and being wrong in my initial analysis, or even the possibility that I will never watch the rest of the show and am wrong forever. I began by saying I am still trying to figure out my interpretation of it, and that I would be writing more on it in the future. I don't think I intended my first episode response here to be anything other than hasty and reductive! But as for the comment about the audience being women, I am using the show creator's own words: "Women love these books. These are books written by a woman. These are books largely consumed by women." There being anything beneficial about the show or not is not inherently a critique, either — TV doesn't have to be beneficial. I am nevertheless saddened by the concept of women requiring fantasies that don't involve women at all in order to enjoy sexuality free from the fear of violence.
There is a large body of both academic and popular writing on women being interested in depictions of sex and romance between men, and the creator of Heated Rivalry is just touching on one theory about it that made sense to him. If you’re actually interested in the question of why women like m/m romance, there’s a lot more there than just this one reason, and taking that at face value as the only or primary explanation seems pretty incurious and dismissive, especially for someone who writes about sex for a living. Which isn’t to say that everyone who writes about sex and sexuality needs to be interested in this particular topic, but if you’re going to bring it up, do it justice. Women who love queer romance aren’t a monolith, but as a group one thing they are all very used to is mainstream media—even when the creators are themselves queer—getting it wrong when it comes to “normal female interest in men bonking” (literally the title of an essay from the 1980s, women who are into this have been interrogating it and studying themselves for a very long time!). I hope you can do better.
Yes, this is one blurb in a broader essay in which I indicate I will be writing more in the future. Given that I mentioned my father having a life-altering stroke, I wasn't expecting anyone to interpret this as my most all-encompassing essay on the topic.
Fair enough, and I’m very sorry about your father and hope he makes a full recovery. I only responded because I know this community extremely well, and hasty and reductive responses are a sore point, and personally I wouldn’t be inclined to come back and read more thoughtful takes later on subjects I feel strongly about from people whose initial comments came across to me as more of the same. Personally I’d also probably prefer if a writer took time off if needed rather than posting off the cuff in a less-considered way under the circumstances, but it goes without saying that this is your space and you should write whatever and whenever and however you want! I’ll be interested to see the more in-depth essay when it’s ready.
And also, just to be clear — my saying that there is a lot of sex in the show isn't a critique. The quantity of sex doesn't need to be qualified by an emotional plot line. I like that there's a lot of sex in it!
Whoa it's so cool to read this, I've been really fascinated recently by how sexually bland "Heated Rivalry" feels despite having so much sex. It seems connected to what you said about the anti-erotic, that it does not suggest/imply/signify beyond itself. Maybe it's that what "Heated Rivalry" reveals about hockey yaoi fantasies is how little those fantasies have to do with hockey or men in specific: these are like functional dressings to create the system or conditions of a specific fantasy, and if there are specific reasons why Heated Rivalry is about hockey and not baseball, those reasons can only speak to like the web of values/feelings we contingently associate with hockey, not some Platonic substance of hockey in itself. But in any case "Heated Rivalry" feels like a let-down because in the TV format, the empire of image and sight, the gay hockey players are forced to just be gay hockey players, whereas in a format that is less sensually immediate, then maybe it could start prodding at whatever part of their story is universal/transcendent/continuous.
About the show, I didn't expect much after watching the first 2 episodes, but they truly surpassed my expectations by the end. It's kind of a slow burn.
I had a similar experience with the series Schitt's Creek - it didn't click for me until the end of season 2 😅 And it's also from Canada, maybe that's just how they do it over there?
Interesting, showing my biases here lol but the reason why heated rivalry appealed to me was it was the first thing I had watched in a while where chemistry and charisma were extremely present in a romance. both the actors are from rural, salt of the earth places and are extremely offline and it shows. Often with man/woman we see the man’s desire more than the women’s, what makes m/m appealing is they’re both horny for each other lol. I found it extremely erotic but maybe I just have pleb taste buds when it comes to TV
I have a contrary take on the gooners, based on that Harper's article: besides a warped form of community amongst themselves, they seem to be looking precisely for some sort of erotic sensation/the sublime, a sort of marathon fap high in which they achieve a sort of mindless feeling in which they feel they're part of something bigger than themselves.
Completely artificial, much like with drugs or getting lovebombed in a cult, but it mirrors that description of the erotic as the feeling of something beyond oneself. Haven't looked at participants' descriptions of the endorphin rush of BDSM, but wouldn't surprise me if they used similar wording.
I dunno, I don't think we're all completely terrified of sexual violence. I know *I'm* not. I'm only ever terrified the next person who shows interest in me is going to turn out to be another boring loser with zero romantic or social skills. I'm never 'disappointed' because you can't be much disappointed by receiving what you expect.
Now I'm getting involved with a friend I actually *like* but I'm wondering whether he will have the patience to get to know me and allow me to emotionally engage with him--the ONLY thing anymore that gets my motor running. All else is bad sex, and if men are willing to settle for bad sex, let them look elsewhere.
Men are just--unsexy. They don't have what it takes to engage the female psyche, in my opinion.
I understand when you say that the truly erotic happens offline in person, not behind a screen where there is no participation or risk. But are you sure the male "gooner" communities are embracing this virtual "simple sexual activity" by choice?
I'm a single man, with a friend who just got divorced about a year ago and is eager to meet someone else. For us, 2025 was our year of seeking eroticism in the real world. We were to leave apps and images behind, and go out on a weekly basis to bars, nightlife, and social gatherings. As 2025 now lies behind us, I can say that unfortunately neither of us have succeeded. No relationships, no hookups have resulted in this last year. We have certainly put in our time, exposed ourselves to risk, and put all our effort into the goal. Eroticism has not been forthcoming.
I understand women approach sex in a very different manner, but for men: are you sure that men are actually choosing the anti-erotic, or are they just settling for it after another night of coming home alone?
I’m afraid what the post says about gooning sounds to me like the time-honored argument of authority figures who like taking things away: since what we have is far from perfect, better we have no sexual release at all.
Sounds like you need to go to a few pagan festivals. If you can't get get laid at a pagan festival, you can't get laid.
But then I attend them during the 1980s, when pagan festivals were PAGAN FESTIVALS. Perhaps that world no longer exists. Pity. If nothing has arisen to take their place, more's the pity.
You’re right, I really don’t know a thing about Heated Rivalry! But your audience sure has covered that subject well in the comments so I’ll comment on your first piece. I do believe you are right about the “vibe shift”. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. People need to get back to the real world. Interact with humanity face to face. The internet IS boring. And lonely. It’s a tactile world, so don’t lose your sense of touch.
“Women lusting over the gay hockey show is evidence of our country’s mental Japaniziation, simultaneously asexual and perverse…it’s the yaoi in the coal mine, if you will” - twitter user ryandpetersen
if you haven't seen it already, I recommend you to watch 'Blue is the Warmest Color' with Lea Seydoux. Its a 3 hour long erotic/drama (probably 1/6th of the film is sex scenes), but its quite an experience...
Grateful for the thoughtful discussion here, even amidst disagreement. As a middle aged woman who also found the first episode rather boring AND as a mother to 20-something daughters who are obsessed with this show - I’m definitely curious about everyone’s take! For me, as a cis, straight woman, what’s appealing about watching m / m porn is that I’m attracted to the male body. I haven’t previously considered whether or not my fear of sexual violence (I am a recovering survivor) plays a role in my sexual fantasies, but it *is true that I have felt stymied by my own desires (what do I want? Why? Why not this other thing?) since my midlife divorce. Surely my past experiences with sexual assault *are somewhat in motion, even if only on a subconscious level. Thanks to all for giving me lots to consider.
omg don't scoop me too much! <3 i've only read one line of this (so as not to influence my own Take) but i am telling y'all that show is not fucking sexy. it is merely naked. and i've watched the entire thing.
I think this is a pretty reductive, hasty mischaracterization of heated rivalry, which you’ve made after watching one episode. The show indeed jumps right into sex, which allows the emotional plot line to build over the season without that being the big climax (pun intended) the way it is in most media. Also, to say the show is almost exclusively popular with women is patently untrue and excludes the hordes of LGBT, non-female fans who’ve been able to enjoy a non-tragic, well-acted queer love story on screen - a rare thing indeed. How can you say there’s “nothing beneficial” about it? Of course you’re entitled to argue that there’s nothing actually erotic about it, but I think you’d be claiming that against the adamant, vast majority of those who’ve watched.
I'm perfectly fine with the possibility of watching more of the show and being wrong in my initial analysis, or even the possibility that I will never watch the rest of the show and am wrong forever. I began by saying I am still trying to figure out my interpretation of it, and that I would be writing more on it in the future. I don't think I intended my first episode response here to be anything other than hasty and reductive! But as for the comment about the audience being women, I am using the show creator's own words: "Women love these books. These are books written by a woman. These are books largely consumed by women." There being anything beneficial about the show or not is not inherently a critique, either — TV doesn't have to be beneficial. I am nevertheless saddened by the concept of women requiring fantasies that don't involve women at all in order to enjoy sexuality free from the fear of violence.
There is a large body of both academic and popular writing on women being interested in depictions of sex and romance between men, and the creator of Heated Rivalry is just touching on one theory about it that made sense to him. If you’re actually interested in the question of why women like m/m romance, there’s a lot more there than just this one reason, and taking that at face value as the only or primary explanation seems pretty incurious and dismissive, especially for someone who writes about sex for a living. Which isn’t to say that everyone who writes about sex and sexuality needs to be interested in this particular topic, but if you’re going to bring it up, do it justice. Women who love queer romance aren’t a monolith, but as a group one thing they are all very used to is mainstream media—even when the creators are themselves queer—getting it wrong when it comes to “normal female interest in men bonking” (literally the title of an essay from the 1980s, women who are into this have been interrogating it and studying themselves for a very long time!). I hope you can do better.
Yes, this is one blurb in a broader essay in which I indicate I will be writing more in the future. Given that I mentioned my father having a life-altering stroke, I wasn't expecting anyone to interpret this as my most all-encompassing essay on the topic.
Fair enough, and I’m very sorry about your father and hope he makes a full recovery. I only responded because I know this community extremely well, and hasty and reductive responses are a sore point, and personally I wouldn’t be inclined to come back and read more thoughtful takes later on subjects I feel strongly about from people whose initial comments came across to me as more of the same. Personally I’d also probably prefer if a writer took time off if needed rather than posting off the cuff in a less-considered way under the circumstances, but it goes without saying that this is your space and you should write whatever and whenever and however you want! I’ll be interested to see the more in-depth essay when it’s ready.
Thank you! I appreciate your patience and consideration.
And also, just to be clear — my saying that there is a lot of sex in the show isn't a critique. The quantity of sex doesn't need to be qualified by an emotional plot line. I like that there's a lot of sex in it!
Whoa it's so cool to read this, I've been really fascinated recently by how sexually bland "Heated Rivalry" feels despite having so much sex. It seems connected to what you said about the anti-erotic, that it does not suggest/imply/signify beyond itself. Maybe it's that what "Heated Rivalry" reveals about hockey yaoi fantasies is how little those fantasies have to do with hockey or men in specific: these are like functional dressings to create the system or conditions of a specific fantasy, and if there are specific reasons why Heated Rivalry is about hockey and not baseball, those reasons can only speak to like the web of values/feelings we contingently associate with hockey, not some Platonic substance of hockey in itself. But in any case "Heated Rivalry" feels like a let-down because in the TV format, the empire of image and sight, the gay hockey players are forced to just be gay hockey players, whereas in a format that is less sensually immediate, then maybe it could start prodding at whatever part of their story is universal/transcendent/continuous.
I suspect that you nailed it!
About the show, I didn't expect much after watching the first 2 episodes, but they truly surpassed my expectations by the end. It's kind of a slow burn.
I had a similar experience with the series Schitt's Creek - it didn't click for me until the end of season 2 😅 And it's also from Canada, maybe that's just how they do it over there?
Interesting, showing my biases here lol but the reason why heated rivalry appealed to me was it was the first thing I had watched in a while where chemistry and charisma were extremely present in a romance. both the actors are from rural, salt of the earth places and are extremely offline and it shows. Often with man/woman we see the man’s desire more than the women’s, what makes m/m appealing is they’re both horny for each other lol. I found it extremely erotic but maybe I just have pleb taste buds when it comes to TV
I have a contrary take on the gooners, based on that Harper's article: besides a warped form of community amongst themselves, they seem to be looking precisely for some sort of erotic sensation/the sublime, a sort of marathon fap high in which they achieve a sort of mindless feeling in which they feel they're part of something bigger than themselves.
Completely artificial, much like with drugs or getting lovebombed in a cult, but it mirrors that description of the erotic as the feeling of something beyond oneself. Haven't looked at participants' descriptions of the endorphin rush of BDSM, but wouldn't surprise me if they used similar wording.
I dunno, I don't think we're all completely terrified of sexual violence. I know *I'm* not. I'm only ever terrified the next person who shows interest in me is going to turn out to be another boring loser with zero romantic or social skills. I'm never 'disappointed' because you can't be much disappointed by receiving what you expect.
Now I'm getting involved with a friend I actually *like* but I'm wondering whether he will have the patience to get to know me and allow me to emotionally engage with him--the ONLY thing anymore that gets my motor running. All else is bad sex, and if men are willing to settle for bad sex, let them look elsewhere.
Men are just--unsexy. They don't have what it takes to engage the female psyche, in my opinion.
I understand when you say that the truly erotic happens offline in person, not behind a screen where there is no participation or risk. But are you sure the male "gooner" communities are embracing this virtual "simple sexual activity" by choice?
I'm a single man, with a friend who just got divorced about a year ago and is eager to meet someone else. For us, 2025 was our year of seeking eroticism in the real world. We were to leave apps and images behind, and go out on a weekly basis to bars, nightlife, and social gatherings. As 2025 now lies behind us, I can say that unfortunately neither of us have succeeded. No relationships, no hookups have resulted in this last year. We have certainly put in our time, exposed ourselves to risk, and put all our effort into the goal. Eroticism has not been forthcoming.
I understand women approach sex in a very different manner, but for men: are you sure that men are actually choosing the anti-erotic, or are they just settling for it after another night of coming home alone?
I’m afraid what the post says about gooning sounds to me like the time-honored argument of authority figures who like taking things away: since what we have is far from perfect, better we have no sexual release at all.
Sounds like you need to go to a few pagan festivals. If you can't get get laid at a pagan festival, you can't get laid.
But then I attend them during the 1980s, when pagan festivals were PAGAN FESTIVALS. Perhaps that world no longer exists. Pity. If nothing has arisen to take their place, more's the pity.
I am so sorry to learn of your dad's illness. I hope he improves soon and is able to make a full recovery. 🌹
Sorry about your Dad. Wishing the best.
You’re right, I really don’t know a thing about Heated Rivalry! But your audience sure has covered that subject well in the comments so I’ll comment on your first piece. I do believe you are right about the “vibe shift”. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. People need to get back to the real world. Interact with humanity face to face. The internet IS boring. And lonely. It’s a tactile world, so don’t lose your sense of touch.
“Women lusting over the gay hockey show is evidence of our country’s mental Japaniziation, simultaneously asexual and perverse…it’s the yaoi in the coal mine, if you will” - twitter user ryandpetersen
Sorry to hear about your dad. Glad you've found some headspace to write, I always enjoy reading it.
if you haven't seen it already, I recommend you to watch 'Blue is the Warmest Color' with Lea Seydoux. Its a 3 hour long erotic/drama (probably 1/6th of the film is sex scenes), but its quite an experience...
Grateful for the thoughtful discussion here, even amidst disagreement. As a middle aged woman who also found the first episode rather boring AND as a mother to 20-something daughters who are obsessed with this show - I’m definitely curious about everyone’s take! For me, as a cis, straight woman, what’s appealing about watching m / m porn is that I’m attracted to the male body. I haven’t previously considered whether or not my fear of sexual violence (I am a recovering survivor) plays a role in my sexual fantasies, but it *is true that I have felt stymied by my own desires (what do I want? Why? Why not this other thing?) since my midlife divorce. Surely my past experiences with sexual assault *are somewhat in motion, even if only on a subconscious level. Thanks to all for giving me lots to consider.
omg don't scoop me too much! <3 i've only read one line of this (so as not to influence my own Take) but i am telling y'all that show is not fucking sexy. it is merely naked. and i've watched the entire thing.
My girlfriend watches the hockey show. Every time I looked up from my book, it was boring.