I think this is a pretty reductive, hasty mischaracterization of heated rivalry, which you’ve made after watching one episode. The show indeed jumps right into sex, which allows the emotional plot line to build over the season without that being the big climax (pun intended) the way it is in most media. Also, to say the show is almost exclusively popular with women is patently untrue and excludes the hordes of LGBT, non-female fans who’ve been able to enjoy a non-tragic, well-acted queer love story on screen - a rare thing indeed. How can you say there’s “nothing beneficial” about it? Of course you’re entitled to argue that there’s nothing actually erotic about it, but I think you’d be claiming that against the adamant, vast majority of those who’ve watched.
I'm perfectly fine with the possibility of watching more of the show and being wrong in my initial analysis, or even the possibility that I will never watch the rest of the show and am wrong forever. I began by saying I am still trying to figure out my interpretation of it, and that I would be writing more on it in the future. I don't think I intended my first episode response here to be anything other than hasty and reductive! But as for the comment about the audience being women, I am using the show creator's own words: "Women love these books. These are books written by a woman. These are books largely consumed by women." There being anything beneficial about the show or not is not inherently a critique, either — TV doesn't have to be beneficial. I am nevertheless saddened by the concept of women requiring fantasies that don't involve women at all in order to enjoy sexuality free from the fear of violence.
There is a large body of both academic and popular writing on women being interested in depictions of sex and romance between men, and the creator of Heated Rivalry is just touching on one theory about it that made sense to him. If you’re actually interested in the question of why women like m/m romance, there’s a lot more there than just this one reason, and taking that at face value as the only or primary explanation seems pretty incurious and dismissive, especially for someone who writes about sex for a living. Which isn’t to say that everyone who writes about sex and sexuality needs to be interested in this particular topic, but if you’re going to bring it up, do it justice. Women who love queer romance aren’t a monolith, but as a group one thing they are all very used to is mainstream media—even when the creators are themselves queer—getting it wrong when it comes to “normal female interest in men bonking” (literally the title of an essay from the 1980s, women who are into this have been interrogating it and studying themselves for a very long time!). I hope you can do better.
Yes, this is one blurb in a broader essay in which I indicate I will be writing more in the future. Given that I mentioned my father having a life-altering stroke, I wasn't expecting anyone to interpret this as my most all-encompassing essay on the topic.
Fair enough, and I’m very sorry about your father and hope he makes a full recovery. I only responded because I know this community extremely well, and hasty and reductive responses are a sore point, and personally I wouldn’t be inclined to come back and read more thoughtful takes later on subjects I feel strongly about from people whose initial comments came across to me as more of the same. Personally I’d also probably prefer if a writer took time off if needed rather than posting off the cuff in a less-considered way under the circumstances, but it goes without saying that this is your space and you should write whatever and whenever and however you want! I’ll be interested to see the more in-depth essay when it’s ready.
And also, just to be clear — my saying that there is a lot of sex in the show isn't a critique. The quantity of sex doesn't need to be qualified by an emotional plot line. I like that there's a lot of sex in it!
Whoa it's so cool to read this, I've been really fascinated recently by how sexually bland "Heated Rivalry" feels despite having so much sex. It seems connected to what you said about the anti-erotic, that it does not suggest/imply/signify beyond itself. Maybe it's that what "Heated Rivalry" reveals about hockey yaoi fantasies is how little those fantasies have to do with hockey or men in specific: these are like functional dressings to create the system or conditions of a specific fantasy, and if there are specific reasons why Heated Rivalry is about hockey and not baseball, those reasons can only speak to like the web of values/feelings we contingently associate with hockey, not some Platonic substance of hockey in itself. But in any case "Heated Rivalry" feels like a let-down because in the TV format, the empire of image and sight, the gay hockey players are forced to just be gay hockey players, whereas in a format that is less sensually immediate, then maybe it could start prodding at whatever part of their story is universal/transcendent/continuous.
I dunno, I don't think we're all completely terrified of sexual violence. I know *I'm* not. I'm only ever terrified the next person who shows interest in me is going to turn out to be another boring loser with zero romantic or social skills. I'm never 'disappointed' because you can't be much disappointed by receiving what you expect.
Now I'm getting involved with a friend I actually *like* but I'm wondering whether he will have the patience to get to know me and allow me to emotionally engage with him--the ONLY thing anymore that gets my motor running. All else is bad sex, and if men are willing to settle for bad sex, let them look elsewhere.
Men are just--unsexy. They don't have what it takes to engage the female psyche, in my opinion.
About the show, I didn't expect much after watching the first 2 episodes, but they truly surpassed my expectations by the end. It's kind of a slow burn.
I had a similar experience with the series Schitt's Creek - it didn't click for me until the end of season 2 😅 And it's also from Canada, maybe that's just how they do it over there?
Interesting, showing my biases here lol but the reason why heated rivalry appealed to me was it was the first thing I had watched in a while where chemistry and charisma were extremely present in a romance. both the actors are from rural, salt of the earth places and are extremely offline and it shows. Often with man/woman we see the man’s desire more than the women’s, what makes m/m appealing is they’re both horny for each other lol. I found it extremely erotic but maybe I just have pleb taste buds when it comes to TV
if you haven't seen it already, I recommend you to watch 'Blue is the Warmest Color' with Lea Seydoux. Its a 3 hour long erotic/drama (probably 1/6th of the film is sex scenes), but its quite an experience...
Grateful for the thoughtful discussion here, even amidst disagreement. As a middle aged woman who also found the first episode rather boring AND as a mother to 20-something daughters who are obsessed with this show - I’m definitely curious about everyone’s take! For me, as a cis, straight woman, what’s appealing about watching m / m porn is that I’m attracted to the male body. I haven’t previously considered whether or not my fear of sexual violence (I am a recovering survivor) plays a role in my sexual fantasies, but it *is true that I have felt stymied by my own desires (what do I want? Why? Why not this other thing?) since my midlife divorce. Surely my past experiences with sexual assault *are somewhat in motion, even if only on a subconscious level. Thanks to all for giving me lots to consider.
omg don't scoop me too much! <3 i've only read one line of this (so as not to influence my own Take) but i am telling y'all that show is not fucking sexy. it is merely naked. and i've watched the entire thing.
I enjoyed the questions posed here because the distinction between sex and the erotic has always seemed underappreciated to me. While obviously not for everyone, I found BDSM practice to be one interesting way to close that loop. For all that our sexualised media culture affects to appear sophisticated it seems to remain as naive as the one I grew up noticing in the 70s. That there is more to an erotic life than the achievement of sufficient friction for orgasm still seems to be largely overlooked whenever I hear peers discussing their sexual experiences.
Seems to me....the Erotic is activated and supported by the sensory system..... tasting, looking, touching, feeling, smelling, listening .... enlivening this sensorial world is critical which involves the body being informed by the natural tangible world.....(not the digital world)
If we are ever to deepen and expand our dialog and knowledge of the Erotic it is crucial to pursue and recognize and appreciate all that the natural world offers.....all that we can touch, smell, hear, taste, see .....seemingly simple but all those muscles need to be exercised or they atrophy.
May 2026 be a year of taking the time and having the interest in simple human pleasures of the senses thus engaging and expanding simple accessible pleasure.
I think this is a pretty reductive, hasty mischaracterization of heated rivalry, which you’ve made after watching one episode. The show indeed jumps right into sex, which allows the emotional plot line to build over the season without that being the big climax (pun intended) the way it is in most media. Also, to say the show is almost exclusively popular with women is patently untrue and excludes the hordes of LGBT, non-female fans who’ve been able to enjoy a non-tragic, well-acted queer love story on screen - a rare thing indeed. How can you say there’s “nothing beneficial” about it? Of course you’re entitled to argue that there’s nothing actually erotic about it, but I think you’d be claiming that against the adamant, vast majority of those who’ve watched.
I'm perfectly fine with the possibility of watching more of the show and being wrong in my initial analysis, or even the possibility that I will never watch the rest of the show and am wrong forever. I began by saying I am still trying to figure out my interpretation of it, and that I would be writing more on it in the future. I don't think I intended my first episode response here to be anything other than hasty and reductive! But as for the comment about the audience being women, I am using the show creator's own words: "Women love these books. These are books written by a woman. These are books largely consumed by women." There being anything beneficial about the show or not is not inherently a critique, either — TV doesn't have to be beneficial. I am nevertheless saddened by the concept of women requiring fantasies that don't involve women at all in order to enjoy sexuality free from the fear of violence.
There is a large body of both academic and popular writing on women being interested in depictions of sex and romance between men, and the creator of Heated Rivalry is just touching on one theory about it that made sense to him. If you’re actually interested in the question of why women like m/m romance, there’s a lot more there than just this one reason, and taking that at face value as the only or primary explanation seems pretty incurious and dismissive, especially for someone who writes about sex for a living. Which isn’t to say that everyone who writes about sex and sexuality needs to be interested in this particular topic, but if you’re going to bring it up, do it justice. Women who love queer romance aren’t a monolith, but as a group one thing they are all very used to is mainstream media—even when the creators are themselves queer—getting it wrong when it comes to “normal female interest in men bonking” (literally the title of an essay from the 1980s, women who are into this have been interrogating it and studying themselves for a very long time!). I hope you can do better.
Yes, this is one blurb in a broader essay in which I indicate I will be writing more in the future. Given that I mentioned my father having a life-altering stroke, I wasn't expecting anyone to interpret this as my most all-encompassing essay on the topic.
Fair enough, and I’m very sorry about your father and hope he makes a full recovery. I only responded because I know this community extremely well, and hasty and reductive responses are a sore point, and personally I wouldn’t be inclined to come back and read more thoughtful takes later on subjects I feel strongly about from people whose initial comments came across to me as more of the same. Personally I’d also probably prefer if a writer took time off if needed rather than posting off the cuff in a less-considered way under the circumstances, but it goes without saying that this is your space and you should write whatever and whenever and however you want! I’ll be interested to see the more in-depth essay when it’s ready.
Thank you! I appreciate your patience and consideration.
And also, just to be clear — my saying that there is a lot of sex in the show isn't a critique. The quantity of sex doesn't need to be qualified by an emotional plot line. I like that there's a lot of sex in it!
Whoa it's so cool to read this, I've been really fascinated recently by how sexually bland "Heated Rivalry" feels despite having so much sex. It seems connected to what you said about the anti-erotic, that it does not suggest/imply/signify beyond itself. Maybe it's that what "Heated Rivalry" reveals about hockey yaoi fantasies is how little those fantasies have to do with hockey or men in specific: these are like functional dressings to create the system or conditions of a specific fantasy, and if there are specific reasons why Heated Rivalry is about hockey and not baseball, those reasons can only speak to like the web of values/feelings we contingently associate with hockey, not some Platonic substance of hockey in itself. But in any case "Heated Rivalry" feels like a let-down because in the TV format, the empire of image and sight, the gay hockey players are forced to just be gay hockey players, whereas in a format that is less sensually immediate, then maybe it could start prodding at whatever part of their story is universal/transcendent/continuous.
I suspect that you nailed it!
I dunno, I don't think we're all completely terrified of sexual violence. I know *I'm* not. I'm only ever terrified the next person who shows interest in me is going to turn out to be another boring loser with zero romantic or social skills. I'm never 'disappointed' because you can't be much disappointed by receiving what you expect.
Now I'm getting involved with a friend I actually *like* but I'm wondering whether he will have the patience to get to know me and allow me to emotionally engage with him--the ONLY thing anymore that gets my motor running. All else is bad sex, and if men are willing to settle for bad sex, let them look elsewhere.
Men are just--unsexy. They don't have what it takes to engage the female psyche, in my opinion.
About the show, I didn't expect much after watching the first 2 episodes, but they truly surpassed my expectations by the end. It's kind of a slow burn.
I had a similar experience with the series Schitt's Creek - it didn't click for me until the end of season 2 😅 And it's also from Canada, maybe that's just how they do it over there?
Interesting, showing my biases here lol but the reason why heated rivalry appealed to me was it was the first thing I had watched in a while where chemistry and charisma were extremely present in a romance. both the actors are from rural, salt of the earth places and are extremely offline and it shows. Often with man/woman we see the man’s desire more than the women’s, what makes m/m appealing is they’re both horny for each other lol. I found it extremely erotic but maybe I just have pleb taste buds when it comes to TV
if you haven't seen it already, I recommend you to watch 'Blue is the Warmest Color' with Lea Seydoux. Its a 3 hour long erotic/drama (probably 1/6th of the film is sex scenes), but its quite an experience...
Grateful for the thoughtful discussion here, even amidst disagreement. As a middle aged woman who also found the first episode rather boring AND as a mother to 20-something daughters who are obsessed with this show - I’m definitely curious about everyone’s take! For me, as a cis, straight woman, what’s appealing about watching m / m porn is that I’m attracted to the male body. I haven’t previously considered whether or not my fear of sexual violence (I am a recovering survivor) plays a role in my sexual fantasies, but it *is true that I have felt stymied by my own desires (what do I want? Why? Why not this other thing?) since my midlife divorce. Surely my past experiences with sexual assault *are somewhat in motion, even if only on a subconscious level. Thanks to all for giving me lots to consider.
omg don't scoop me too much! <3 i've only read one line of this (so as not to influence my own Take) but i am telling y'all that show is not fucking sexy. it is merely naked. and i've watched the entire thing.
My girlfriend watches the hockey show. Every time I looked up from my book, it was boring.
Shit dude sorry about your dad, hope he recovers fully
Good read. Less online simulation, more living the life in front. Hope your father will recover fast.
I enjoyed the questions posed here because the distinction between sex and the erotic has always seemed underappreciated to me. While obviously not for everyone, I found BDSM practice to be one interesting way to close that loop. For all that our sexualised media culture affects to appear sophisticated it seems to remain as naive as the one I grew up noticing in the 70s. That there is more to an erotic life than the achievement of sufficient friction for orgasm still seems to be largely overlooked whenever I hear peers discussing their sexual experiences.
Christ am I sick of hearing about this stupid show
I am so sorry to learn of your dad's illness. I hope he improves soon and is able to make a full recovery. 🌹
Seems to me....the Erotic is activated and supported by the sensory system..... tasting, looking, touching, feeling, smelling, listening .... enlivening this sensorial world is critical which involves the body being informed by the natural tangible world.....(not the digital world)
If we are ever to deepen and expand our dialog and knowledge of the Erotic it is crucial to pursue and recognize and appreciate all that the natural world offers.....all that we can touch, smell, hear, taste, see .....seemingly simple but all those muscles need to be exercised or they atrophy.
May 2026 be a year of taking the time and having the interest in simple human pleasures of the senses thus engaging and expanding simple accessible pleasure.
Sorry about your Dad. Wishing the best.