Single, childless older women have long been the cruel cultural avatar of loneliness and social failure. But as rates of single young men rise, that portrait is going to change.
I think we heterosexual men have to get better at supporting one another just as so many women and gay men do for one another. There is no law saying that straight guys can’t empathize or care for one another, can’t create friendship groups, etc. For one thing, men who have support networks are less likely to be a burden for the women they love, and their romantic relationships will likely be stronger as a result.
Definitely a future childless cat guy as things are currently. Working on my social anxiety to try and keep it from being what happens. Thanks for writing this
This speaks to the experiences of a healthy portion of my good friends, all of which have bought houses, great careers. There isn't necessarily a throughline cause like video games or other vices to blame. Something inevitable and universal. Many such cases indeed!
Nice article, but why do you seem so apologetic about focusing on male issues / problems? It feels like you are trying very hard to placate a vocal group that really doesn't think it's appropriate? I appreciate you are doing it but why should you have to justify it?
I am trying in part to speak to an audience that otherwise doesn't think focusing on male issues is worthwhile. What would the point of writing this article be if the intention was only to speak to an audience that already agreed with the premise?
Fait enough, but I guess I don't understand why it has to be justified. You are identifying an issue that is clearly important for a good chunk of humans. If people think that's wrong, there's something wrong with them.
Many of the readers here, presumably, are not childless cat-men or men with social anxiety and those readers may not have a whole lot of sympathy for this group, given the inevitable overlap with incels. So think of this article as Magdalene Taylor advocating for cat-men to the readers who find them difficult to tolerate or understand.
I see this in myself so much, no anger in it, just one of the ones who has let life pass by too long, taken to doting on a young lesbian I work with for lunches, dinners, holidays etc. as a way for comfort and being social. Hard not to see her as my cat replacement now
The one thing I'd say here is that if the discrepancy is mostly due to young women dating somewhat older men (and I really can't think of any other plausible dynamic that has more than marginal explanatory power) well, eventually those single young men will themselves be 30+, and will perhaps have a better shot.
Dealing with this myself and seeing some of the more negative qualities of my friends who are experiencing a similar situation for different reasons has me thinking about this topic frequently. Always enjoy your writing, perspective, and ability to articulate these issues so clearly, this one was more impactful than usual.
I think we heterosexual men have to get better at supporting one another just as so many women and gay men do for one another. There is no law saying that straight guys can’t empathize or care for one another, can’t create friendship groups, etc. For one thing, men who have support networks are less likely to be a burden for the women they love, and their romantic relationships will likely be stronger as a result.
Definitely a future childless cat guy as things are currently. Working on my social anxiety to try and keep it from being what happens. Thanks for writing this
This speaks to the experiences of a healthy portion of my good friends, all of which have bought houses, great careers. There isn't necessarily a throughline cause like video games or other vices to blame. Something inevitable and universal. Many such cases indeed!
Very much me to a T. Thanks for writing this.
Nice article, but why do you seem so apologetic about focusing on male issues / problems? It feels like you are trying very hard to placate a vocal group that really doesn't think it's appropriate? I appreciate you are doing it but why should you have to justify it?
I am trying in part to speak to an audience that otherwise doesn't think focusing on male issues is worthwhile. What would the point of writing this article be if the intention was only to speak to an audience that already agreed with the premise?
Fait enough, but I guess I don't understand why it has to be justified. You are identifying an issue that is clearly important for a good chunk of humans. If people think that's wrong, there's something wrong with them.
To be clear I think you are identifying a potentially important problem!
Many of the readers here, presumably, are not childless cat-men or men with social anxiety and those readers may not have a whole lot of sympathy for this group, given the inevitable overlap with incels. So think of this article as Magdalene Taylor advocating for cat-men to the readers who find them difficult to tolerate or understand.
This made me well up.
I see this in myself so much, no anger in it, just one of the ones who has let life pass by too long, taken to doting on a young lesbian I work with for lunches, dinners, holidays etc. as a way for comfort and being social. Hard not to see her as my cat replacement now
Great writing as always
The one thing I'd say here is that if the discrepancy is mostly due to young women dating somewhat older men (and I really can't think of any other plausible dynamic that has more than marginal explanatory power) well, eventually those single young men will themselves be 30+, and will perhaps have a better shot.
Dealing with this myself and seeing some of the more negative qualities of my friends who are experiencing a similar situation for different reasons has me thinking about this topic frequently. Always enjoy your writing, perspective, and ability to articulate these issues so clearly, this one was more impactful than usual.