You're Allowed to Be Horny

Notes on fearing desire and chasing connection//Advice for Our Sexual Culture Part VII

Hello and welcome to Many Such Cases.

I write this from my humid apartment, awaiting a thunderstorm that comes with a tornado watch. I get the sense that much of the country is sick of the summer, that it’s over already. Don’t get me started on the premature Halloween displays already hitting stores. There’s very little patience for the present moment, always a new thing to set your excitement on, and with it a new thing to buy. And I’m no better, of course. But it is still very much summer, and quite a big one, for me. I’ve just turned 30 and, believe it or not, I’m soon to be wed. Needless to say, a lot is happening. That’s always how it is.

With that in mind, I particularly love the opportunity to think for a good moment about what you all have going on, instead. I’m always so honored to get a glimpse into your lives or the topics you have on your mind, nevermind that you want me to analyze them. If you haven’t yet contributed and would like to do so, you may anonymously submit your question here.

This week, I address the suspicious attitude through which we view male sexuality, advise one guy on how to “slut it up” this summer, discuss the lingering ghosts of our sexual body counts and assess a young man who, despite his best efforts, can’t seem to find a woman to date in NYC.

Much of this segment is paywalled, in gratitude to my paid subscribers. Thank you forever for being here.

Do you think it is bad for men to look at sexual depictions of women outside of porn? Such as in film or television or photoshoots or similar media? Should media that deliberately appeals to male sexual interests be criticized?

This question is probably baiting me into something, but I will proceed anyway because I’m eager to address it. Given my role at Playboy, it’s probably obvious that I am more than sympathetic to media that appeals to male sexual interests. I could go on, of course, about the magazine has never just appealed to male sexual interests, but I think that is somewhat beside the point. Male sexual interests aren’t inherently wrong or morally bad, and neither is appealing to them. Exploiting those interests or using male sexual interest to exploit others are different matters, and important ones to distinguish.

We are fearful of sexuality from men and women alike, though for very different reasons.