What I’ve found with men in my past who had cared too much about their personal style is that their dedication to their image would always outweigh their dedication to me 😬 this said though, men also have a benefit with the opportunity to really stick to a “uniform” wardrobe that looks nice and feels comfortable. Just like Uniqlo, as mentioned.
Over the last few years I’ve introduced more neutrals and dark colors into my bf’s former all-black wardrobe, and he looks great :-) these things can be slowly adjusted if they let you.
Not to mention, there’s a unique type of swag to dress badly in a Cameron Winter kinda way. As long as you aren’t scared with the unknown of what outfit he may show up in to your dates, this really shouldn’t matter as much as it seems to for people.
People usually dress to the standards of their subculture anyway, no use for a suit and tie in a moshpit unless you're a fratboy. Band/festival crew t-shirts offer an easy in for conversations and an infodump over local things you can do and where to find them, and the gals don't really dress any fancier either.
i have so many thoughts and urgings around these topics. one of them this article roused is something yuval noah says in sapiens (not a direct quote) about how essentially “talking shit” or just evaluating others with someone you trust is an inherent part of being a social creature. it helps us to know who else to trust, as well as taking some of the work out of having to decide who you want to get to know… as that takes a lot of work. how that relates: you remove this social aspect when you’re dating in apps, generally speaking. so bailing if someone doesn't grab your attention on the first date makes sense through that lens. when many things are already so distracting and energy consuming, the more you have to put in the harder it will be to stay engaged. the same goes with your style; there are many things we assess in split moments when we’re taking the world in around us. the reason that style can be important is that it, ideally, also takes some of the surface guess-work out of deciding if you want to even approach someone. it signals potential for similar interests, political leanings, interests. i think this is a murky thing to lean on, but it does function whether we want it to or not. i personally have all kinds of micro assessments with people on the multitudes of things we present at any given moment, i think we all do. i ended up marrying into this so called swag gap and i love it. i also knew my husband for a long time before we ever came close to dating, so i already had a read on his character, would have heard about any huge red flags, so on, and it didn’t matter what clothes he wore because i already knew we were aligned in many ways— plus sometimes there just is a subliminal attraction to someone. from the get go i loved that my appearance blew his “normal guy” presentation. i’ve got a bunch of tattoos, facial jewelry, and generally dress with more pizzazz than he does. it really doesn't matter at all. i snagged a person who matches my values, my humor, my cadence, my energy, and is totally secure and confident in himself. thats the biggest turn-on, and the greatest gift is that the relationship is built on trust, sincere honesty, and not playing it cool. these are my thoughts. best of luck to all the people.
What I’ve found with men in my past who had cared too much about their personal style is that their dedication to their image would always outweigh their dedication to me 😬 this said though, men also have a benefit with the opportunity to really stick to a “uniform” wardrobe that looks nice and feels comfortable. Just like Uniqlo, as mentioned.
Over the last few years I’ve introduced more neutrals and dark colors into my bf’s former all-black wardrobe, and he looks great :-) these things can be slowly adjusted if they let you.
Not to mention, there’s a unique type of swag to dress badly in a Cameron Winter kinda way. As long as you aren’t scared with the unknown of what outfit he may show up in to your dates, this really shouldn’t matter as much as it seems to for people.
People usually dress to the standards of their subculture anyway, no use for a suit and tie in a moshpit unless you're a fratboy. Band/festival crew t-shirts offer an easy in for conversations and an infodump over local things you can do and where to find them, and the gals don't really dress any fancier either.
i have so many thoughts and urgings around these topics. one of them this article roused is something yuval noah says in sapiens (not a direct quote) about how essentially “talking shit” or just evaluating others with someone you trust is an inherent part of being a social creature. it helps us to know who else to trust, as well as taking some of the work out of having to decide who you want to get to know… as that takes a lot of work. how that relates: you remove this social aspect when you’re dating in apps, generally speaking. so bailing if someone doesn't grab your attention on the first date makes sense through that lens. when many things are already so distracting and energy consuming, the more you have to put in the harder it will be to stay engaged. the same goes with your style; there are many things we assess in split moments when we’re taking the world in around us. the reason that style can be important is that it, ideally, also takes some of the surface guess-work out of deciding if you want to even approach someone. it signals potential for similar interests, political leanings, interests. i think this is a murky thing to lean on, but it does function whether we want it to or not. i personally have all kinds of micro assessments with people on the multitudes of things we present at any given moment, i think we all do. i ended up marrying into this so called swag gap and i love it. i also knew my husband for a long time before we ever came close to dating, so i already had a read on his character, would have heard about any huge red flags, so on, and it didn’t matter what clothes he wore because i already knew we were aligned in many ways— plus sometimes there just is a subliminal attraction to someone. from the get go i loved that my appearance blew his “normal guy” presentation. i’ve got a bunch of tattoos, facial jewelry, and generally dress with more pizzazz than he does. it really doesn't matter at all. i snagged a person who matches my values, my humor, my cadence, my energy, and is totally secure and confident in himself. thats the biggest turn-on, and the greatest gift is that the relationship is built on trust, sincere honesty, and not playing it cool. these are my thoughts. best of luck to all the people.
When I go out and I see a couple together and the guy is dressed janky - I get the vibe that the gal is no longer vested in the dude.
Swagging up men is like putting lipstick on a pig, like sprinkling glitter on a turd.
That said, nobody "deserves" love.
No they don’t
I always wonder what people who so readily answer “no” to the “deserve” question think the asker means by “deserve”.